I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
