i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Randomize
