i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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