My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
