got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
