I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
