I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
