I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize