What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
