It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize