i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
