As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
