When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
