I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
