I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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