Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
