with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize