this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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