I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
