Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize