I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
