Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
