I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
