I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
