either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I faked an abortion last night.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
