i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I currently don't understand fingers.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
