I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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