I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize