to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
