He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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