Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize