i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
