This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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