Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
high people should be assigned attendants
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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