omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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