he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
