I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
