i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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