if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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