i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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