My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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