He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
then he tried to convert me to islam
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
