Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize