Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Pants are for mortals
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
