I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
