I puked a lego.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I think people are normalizing furries
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