no, he came in my armpit
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
