finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize