Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
