I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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