One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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