in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
