I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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