I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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