Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
