so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize