She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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