I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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