I will die if light touches me.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
