The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
