Do vagina's smell?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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