your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
