Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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