got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Hippo gnu deer
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize