I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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