Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
